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Dear Sir, Madame, Fellow, or Lady, Whatsoever Which You Prefer, This is not my first time writing. I have written before. You may remember me, you may not. My name is Ramadupa. I am a yogi living in the richest state of India.

“And then Ganesh came in with a machine gun and he hit the bazooka shell in midair. It was amazing!” Billy the Kid finishes his second ‘Nam story.

Billy the Kid is saying, “Yeah, so the governor of Karnagapully is on the street, when suddenly, he sees a monkey, right? A big monkey. A monkey king! And there’s not supposed to be any monkeys here, this is Kerala after all.

I am dreaming. How do I know? Because I am not me. If I was me I would not be at the helm of a pirate ship, relishing the smell of cedar. I would not be watching a sea of red swelling up in my face.

“Hi this is my first post up here,” I do the characteristic first video pause, “here on Youtube. I wrote out what I was going to say, actually. Then I memorized it.

“The Universe is shaped Exactly like the Earth,” A grey-haired Brock croons in three simulated dimensions with perfect fidelity sound, “if you go straight long enough you end up where you were--”

“It’s designed to jettison into space in case of a boarding. But if you do jettison, then you need a code to keep it from blowing up. Benj, the Captain, never gave me the code.” He says this idly, as the doors close.